The Challenge of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships

The reason why I make this distinction is because therapy, psychotherapy is by definition for the diagnosis and treatment of mental health conditions. Another common reason for conflict avoidance is lack of confidence in our own conflict resolution skills, which is super real and valid, right. I mean, I’ve talked significantly over the course of our time together today about how I would say most of us do not have good role models for how to manage conflict and healthy and appropriate ways. Their partner will punish them, and their partner is like, just tell me how you feel.

If you need some support in this area, working with a good emotional intelligence coach can help. If you have a tendency to avoid conflict, here are some skills you can build that will help you feel more comfortable and competent around it. Many people are carrying around subconscious stories about what conflict is and what it says about themselves and their relationships. They might believe on a deep level that conflict is a sign that the relationship will fail.

Express your fear to your partner

Of course, they make sure to brag about it constantly, as if the absence of arguments were irrefutable proof that their relationship is perfect. “Uncomfortable conversations should not be avoided to steer clear of conflict, because that keeps us from being honest with ourselves and with our needs. In fact, communicating and being vulnerable and open, as well as listening to our partner when they do so, will strengthen our bonds and foster generally healthier relationships,” says psychologist Natalia Pastor. If you avoid conflict, your partner might try to get you to respond to them by pursuing you more. In response, you could end up becoming even more distant.

• Being aware of how your emotions impact you can help you gain a greater understanding of yourself and others.
• It influences a partner’s sense of self-efficacy, which refers to the belief in one’s ability to achieve a goal, such as solving a relationship problem.
• A 2021 study, for instance, analyzed same-sex relationships and how they managed conflict during the COVID-19 pandemic.
• Engagement is such an exciting time, but you should have these five premarital conversations before you tie the knot.

It is also a myth that in every couple or in every relationship, you do need to be aligned with everything, right, including and especially differences in opinions, preferences, but even bigger than that. Some people respond to emotional flooding by growing louder and more animated. Others tend to shut down and stop communicating, and may even physically leave the room. My mission is to help people transform their personal and relationship challenges into life-enhancing opportunities for growth.

Conflicted Relationships and Your Health

If your partner is physically or emotionally abusive—whether in the presence of a conflict or not—there are resources you can turn to for help. Exposure to conflict can make you more susceptible to infectious illnesses like colds and the flu. Some people also experience chronic pain related to stress, such as headaches and back or neck pain. You can experience conflict in any type of relationship you have, be it with your partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or even a co-worker.

Once you acknowledge them, they’ll have less power over you. Maybe you’ve developed a disdain for your significant other because you kept quiet about something that bothered you for so long. Or, perhaps, you begin to feel anxious and depressed because you aren’t expressing your needs in your relationship. Yes, we provide long-distance couples counseling from all over the world through secure, easy, three-way online video. Couples counseling before marriage is not the same thing as premarital counseling.

tips for overcoming conflict avoidance

Having an avoidant attachment style may often go hand-in-hand with living with avoidant personality disorder. Also, an avoidant personality may want a relationship but fear of ridicule and poor self-confidence may lead them to avoid the chance of getting into one, deepening their sense of inadequacy. how to deal with someone who avoids conflict Schedule an appointment with a Makin Wellness counselor today if you’d like more information on conflict avoidance or other relationship issues. If you are struggling with conflict avoidance and want to learn how to communicate effectively with your partner, please seek professional help.

Fear of negative evaluation is when a person avoids conflict because they are afraid of being seen in a negative light. They may believe that they will be judged, criticized, or rejected if they engage in conflict. The check-ups must be approached with an open, win–win mindset. This is not an opportunity to score points, but to perform a relationship health check and move forward in a positive way. The exercise begins by asking the client to think of a couple from their past who had a loving relationship. It may be their parents, or they can choose two other people who showed love, acceptance, and caring for one another.

Imagine that you hear that you hurt a coworker’s feelings with a thoughtless remark. You feel awkward about the situation and unsure about how to bring it up. Conflict avoidance on both sides could lead your work relationship to grow uncomfortable and distant. By contrast, taking the coworker aside to discuss what happened and apologize would likely repair the relationship and set up productive future interactions. Certainly, most of us will experience times in our relationship when we have particular difficulty expressing or communicating our feelings to our partner, or vice versa. “You will have to trust that their feelings are there for you because they are spending time with you,” she says.

• Then you will have more information about your options, right, and what you want to do with that, but I think it’s usually a mistake, at least to not try.
• While avoidant behavior from a partner can be irritating and even hurtful, don’t let avoidance become the focus.
• Conflict can become an unhealthy habit, leading to a repeating pattern of one or both partners consistently feeling they have lost (Grieger, 2015).